Boink!!! Sad..sad..sad… (April 5,2007)
These past few days had never been easy for me…yup! I was so excited and nervous because the result for Ateneo law will soon come out (april1 daw but it was released on april 2). Then suddenly, learning from a friend of mine that I didn’t pass the exam made me feel like soooooo stuuuuppppiiiiidddd. In short, engot. Iyon ang sabi ko nun sa sarili ko, if I would not pass this exam, engot na ako. My friends, nea, pebi, migz, Ralph and Jerick also told me na if I wouldn’t pass the exam, it means we’re not that rich daw. Well…actually we’re not that rich naman talaga. So there…
I cried out so hard because my mom got mad at me. My dad, he’s sad and disappointed I guess. I have to see pa his reaction when he comes back from dubai (that's few days from now). I was very frustrated. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what my plans are. After failing for the second time (the first one was in UP law) i feel like I don’t know where to go already. I just wished I should have passed the exam. And failing for the second time hit me hard..rock bottom ika nga. The feeling was horrible. I never failed in my academic life since I don’t know when until now.
Eniweiz…I want to be in law school in order for my parents to be proud of me. They dream this for me and in my own way passing a law school would help me repay them. second, I dream of being like jejomar binay and ma’am chicky arumpac. Ma’am chicky became my inspiration for pursuing this new dream for me. She made it look so easy and fulfilling. Binay, on the other hand, made me realized how this profession could help many people (he’s a human rights lawyer) and that’s what I want to do. I saw this while working on my thesis. I want to be like him, I want to be a human rights lawyer. I want to be someone who helps those people who have nothing making it intricate for them to achieve justice. I know what that feels like. I know the feeling of being unable to defend yourself and fight the horrific doings of the people/person around you. I want to be that voice to those people who are mute. Lastly, I want to be a lawyer because people are expecting it from me, my family, relatives, friends and many more. I know it is wrong to allow them to pressure me but because of them I was able to implant in my mind that I could be one.
But because of my second failure, I couldn’t pursue this dream. Sometimes, I ask the man above if this is really not meant for me. Failing the Ateneo exam made me think the condition I had when I was about to take that exam and so with the UPLAE. Then I remember, I wasn’t focused then. That was the time I learned my dad got terribly ill in dubai and no one was taking care of him. That was the time when I was in doubt if I want to be a lawyer or pursue law for that matter. I was more into the masters degree and pursuing MA international studies (my other dream). I was confused and totally out of focused on what to do. And now, I don’t know if I would still pursue this law thing dream.
Eniweiz, I’m still waiting for a sign.slowly I am recovering. Thanks to my family, friends, sisses and everyone. Besides, this is a new experience for me. My academic performance had been stained already. But its okay. At least I’ve experienced what it feels like to flunk in a subject or any exam. I know God has a better plan for me. I just have to be patient and think thoroughly what to do next. I still dream of pursuing law but I don’t know when. But one thing is for sure, I won’t give up on this dream.
These past few days had never been easy for me…yup! I was so excited and nervous because the result for Ateneo law will soon come out (april1 daw but it was released on april 2). Then suddenly, learning from a friend of mine that I didn’t pass the exam made me feel like soooooo stuuuuppppiiiiidddd. In short, engot. Iyon ang sabi ko nun sa sarili ko, if I would not pass this exam, engot na ako. My friends, nea, pebi, migz, Ralph and Jerick also told me na if I wouldn’t pass the exam, it means we’re not that rich daw. Well…actually we’re not that rich naman talaga. So there…
I cried out so hard because my mom got mad at me. My dad, he’s sad and disappointed I guess. I have to see pa his reaction when he comes back from dubai (that's few days from now). I was very frustrated. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what my plans are. After failing for the second time (the first one was in UP law) i feel like I don’t know where to go already. I just wished I should have passed the exam. And failing for the second time hit me hard..rock bottom ika nga. The feeling was horrible. I never failed in my academic life since I don’t know when until now.
Eniweiz…I want to be in law school in order for my parents to be proud of me. They dream this for me and in my own way passing a law school would help me repay them. second, I dream of being like jejomar binay and ma’am chicky arumpac. Ma’am chicky became my inspiration for pursuing this new dream for me. She made it look so easy and fulfilling. Binay, on the other hand, made me realized how this profession could help many people (he’s a human rights lawyer) and that’s what I want to do. I saw this while working on my thesis. I want to be like him, I want to be a human rights lawyer. I want to be someone who helps those people who have nothing making it intricate for them to achieve justice. I know what that feels like. I know the feeling of being unable to defend yourself and fight the horrific doings of the people/person around you. I want to be that voice to those people who are mute. Lastly, I want to be a lawyer because people are expecting it from me, my family, relatives, friends and many more. I know it is wrong to allow them to pressure me but because of them I was able to implant in my mind that I could be one.
But because of my second failure, I couldn’t pursue this dream. Sometimes, I ask the man above if this is really not meant for me. Failing the Ateneo exam made me think the condition I had when I was about to take that exam and so with the UPLAE. Then I remember, I wasn’t focused then. That was the time I learned my dad got terribly ill in dubai and no one was taking care of him. That was the time when I was in doubt if I want to be a lawyer or pursue law for that matter. I was more into the masters degree and pursuing MA international studies (my other dream). I was confused and totally out of focused on what to do. And now, I don’t know if I would still pursue this law thing dream.
Eniweiz, I’m still waiting for a sign.slowly I am recovering. Thanks to my family, friends, sisses and everyone. Besides, this is a new experience for me. My academic performance had been stained already. But its okay. At least I’ve experienced what it feels like to flunk in a subject or any exam. I know God has a better plan for me. I just have to be patient and think thoroughly what to do next. I still dream of pursuing law but I don’t know when. But one thing is for sure, I won’t give up on this dream.
posted by flamboyantly glamorous @ 2:24 AM
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